I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
this hospital has no fireball
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
