I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
