yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
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I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
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i think my cat just said my name.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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