you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
