Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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