WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
