I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My feet surprised me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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