Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
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I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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