I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
