I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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