If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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