I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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