i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
