So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
