I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
