Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
