Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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