those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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