I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
