I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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