I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
