Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
