I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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