A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
