when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
