I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
