saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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