Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
