Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
