I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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