What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
