You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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