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Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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