she was so not down for the gang bang
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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