yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My ATM looks so different sober.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize