Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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