I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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