Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
do nipples grow back?