she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
