somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
