There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
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Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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