I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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