I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
