That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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