Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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