She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
