he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
