No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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