what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!