Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.