Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.