just come out here and I will go home with you...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.