I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize