OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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