sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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