i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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