Betty ford says i'm here all night
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
