We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
