wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
