mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
