watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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